The short version
- Do the same thing, in the same place, every week. Friendships grow out of seeing people regularly.
- Turn vague plans into specific ones: a day, a time and a place.
- In group conversations, stick close to one or two people and ask questions.
Lots of people who try to make friends in Spain end up with a busy social life where almost everyone is from somewhere else. They say hello to the neighbours and chat to the waiter, but their actual friends speak English. It happens to people who speak good Spanish too.
That's understandable. Friendships with other foreigners are easier to start, because you're all new and all looking for people. Spanish-speaking friends take a bit more effort, and a few specific habits.
When I first moved here I couldn't hold a normal conversation, so making Spanish friends felt a long way off. What helped was practising the conversations that come up when you meet people, until they came out easily.
Why it can take longer here
Many people in Spain have a close group of friends they've known since school, university or their home town. Mis amigos de toda la vida (my lifelong friends) is a phrase you'll hear a lot. Those groups are often warm and welcoming, but they're already full, and they aren't actively looking for new people.
Social life also tends to happen outside the home. People meet in bars, on terraces, in the park or at the plaza. You're less likely to get invited round for dinner early on, and more likely to get invited for una caña or un café.
None of this means Spanish people are hard to befriend. It just means friendships usually grow slowly, through seeing someone again and again, rather than through one great conversation.
Where to meet people
The best places are ones where you'll see the same people every week, doing something together. A one-off event rarely leads to a friendship. A weekly class often does.
| Where | Why it works |
|---|---|
| A weekly class or club: pádel, running, choir, cooking, ceramics | Same people, same time, and something to talk about |
| A language exchange (intercambio) | People who want to talk to you, and expect mistakes |
| Volunteering | You work side by side, which makes conversation easier |
| Neighbourhood events and local fiestas | People from your area, often in a relaxed mood |
| Your kids' school and activities | You see the same parents several times a week |
| Colleagues | Many workplaces have a coffee break or a drink after work |
Language exchanges are a good start, especially at the beginning. The only risk is that they become your whole Spanish social life. Treat them as a warm-up, and add at least one activity where Spanish is simply the language people speak.
Become a regular
In Spain, being a regular somewhere counts for a lot. The same café every morning, the same bar on a Friday, the same market stall on a Saturday. After a few weeks, people recognise you. After a few months, they ask where you were last week.
Pick one bar or café near you and go at the same time every week. Sit at the bar rather than a table if you can. Say hello to the staff by name once you know it. The first time someone says ¿Lo de siempre? (The usual?), you'll know it's working. Regulars chat to other regulars, and that's how a lot of friendships here start.
You don't need to say much at first. A greeting, a comment about the football or the weather, and ¡Hasta la semana que viene! (See you next week!) on the way out is plenty.
From friendly chat to a real plan
This is where most people get stuck. You get on well with someone at your class or at work, you chat every week, and nothing else happens.
You'll often hear A ver si quedamos un día (We should meet up some time). It's friendly and people usually mean it, but on its own it's rarely a plan. If you'd like it to happen, follow it up with a day: ¡Venga! ¿Qué tal el jueves? Suggesting something specific is normal here, and people are usually happy someone took the step.
The easiest invitations are small and connected to something you already do together. A drink after the class, a coffee before work, a walk with the dogs.
- ¿Te apetece tomar algo?Do you fancy a drink?
- ¿Te apetece tomar algo después de clase?Do you fancy a drink after the class?
- ¿Te apetece tomar algo después de clase el jueves?Do you fancy a drink after the class on Thursday?
- ¿Te apetece tomar algo después de clase el jueves? Hay un bar aquí al lado que está muy bien.Do you fancy a drink after the class on Thursday? There's a really nice bar just next door.
You'll also need a few phrases for the answers, and for swapping numbers.
| Spanish | English |
|---|---|
| ¿Me pasas tu número? | Can you give me your number? |
| ¿Cuándo te viene bien? | When's good for you? |
| ¡Venga, me apunto! | Go on, I'm in! |
| Esta semana no puedo, ¿y la que viene? | I can't this week, what about next week? |
| ¿Quedamos a las ocho en la puerta? | Shall we meet at eight at the entrance? |
| Al final no puedo, lo siento. | I can't make it after all, sorry. |
The day after you meet someone you got on with, send a short message that mentions something they said. ¡Me alegré mucho de conocerte ayer! Este finde voy a probar el sitio de tapas que me dijiste. It takes a minute, it shows you were listening, and it makes the next plan much easier to suggest. Write it before you send it, say it out loud once, and don't worry if it's not perfect.
WhatsApp groups and group plans
A lot of social life in Spain is organised in WhatsApp groups: the class group, the parents' group, the group from work. If you get added to one, that's a good sign. Reading the messages is great practice, and replying, even briefly, keeps you in the loop.
Notice the time. Evening plans in Spain often start later than you might be used to, and a dinner at ten is completely normal in many places. It's worth having a nap on Saturday afternoon.
Keeping up in group conversations
One-to-one conversation is manageable. Five Spanish friends at a table, all talking at once, is a different thing. People interrupt, jokes fly past, and the topic changes before you've built your sentence.
That's normal, and it gets easier. A few things help:
- Sit next to someone you know. You can have a side conversation with them when the main one gets too fast.
- Ask questions. A question gets you into the conversation without needing a long sentence: ¿Y eso?, ¿Quién es Marta?
- Say when you're lost. Perdona, me he perdido. ¿De qué habláis? (Sorry, I've lost track. What are you talking about?) People are usually happy to fill you in.
- Accept being quieter at first. Listening and laughing at the right moments still counts as being part of the group.
Plenty of people plan to make Spanish friends once their Spanish is better. The problem is that friendships are one of the best ways to improve it. Go now, with the Spanish you have. People will be more patient than you expect, and you'll learn more in one evening than in a week of studying.
If you're still at the stage of introducing yourself, how to introduce yourself in Spanish and Spanish conversation starters that actually work are good places to start.
Common mistakes
Going to lots of one-off events.
Pick one weekly activity and stick with it.
Waiting for someone else to suggest a plan.
Suggest something small and specific: a drink after class on Thursday.
Treating a ver si quedamos as a plan.
Follow it up with a day and a time.
Only going to language exchanges.
Add one activity where Spanish is just the normal language.
Staying silent all evening in a group.
Ask short questions and sit near someone you know.
Recap
- Friendships in Spain usually grow slowly, through seeing people regularly.
- Join a weekly activity and become a regular somewhere.
- Turn vague plans into specific ones with a day, a time and a place.
- Send a short message the day after you meet someone.
- In groups, sit near someone you know, ask questions and say when you're lost.
Most of these friendships start with the same few conversations: who you are, what you do, your weekend, your plans. 100 Spanish Conversations gives you one of those a week to practise out loud, so you've got things to say when you meet people. Plenty of people in the Skool community live in Spain too, so it's a good place to swap ideas about where to meet people.
Leeroy studied Spanish for years before moving to Spain and finding he couldn't hold a conversation. He built Basically Spanish around the method that fixed it. Questions? leeroy@basicallyspanish.com